Money is more than just a currency—it’s a psychological force that shapes our emotions, decisions, and relationships in ways we don’t always realize. Our upbringing plays a massive role in how we approach financial security, and if left unexamined, these ingrained beliefs can create unnecessary fear or self-sabotage.

I recently had a dream that revealed just how insidious financial anxiety can be—and how important it is to consciously shape our psychology around money, especially within a relationship.

The Dream: The Snake of Financial Fear

In the dream, I was walking with my partner through a police academy when an older woman fell in line behind him. I warned him to hide his hair, which was actually made of stamens—the reproductive part of a flower, symbolizing creation, fertility, and growth. He pulled a hood over his head to hide his stamens, and as soon as he did that, the woman wrapped a large green snake around his head. When I tried to fight it off, the snake split its tail, revealing multiple heads that coiled around my left arm, trapping me. I called out for scissors, desperately searching for a way to free us. Eventually, I found a knife and cut the snake away, releasing us completely. The woman and the snake disappeared, and we continued on peacefully.

At first, I wasn’t sure what to make of this imagery, but after reflecting on recent financial stress, it became clear: the snake represented money anxiety, the way fear-based thinking can coil around joy and creativity, suffocating it.

Unpacking the Symbols: Financial Fear vs. Abundance

• My Partner’s Stamens & Creative Potential – Stamens, as the reproductive part of a flower, symbolize growth and possibility. My partner has been navigating a transitional phase in his professional life, exploring new directions that feel more fulfilling. In the dream, I instinctively told him to hide his stamens, which makes me wonder: was I subconsciously afraid that external pressures (society, finances, or fear of failure) would stifle his ambitions?
• The Older Woman & The Snake – The woman didn’t just bring the snake; she deliberately targeted my partner and, in turn, trapped me as well. She felt less like an individual and more like a construct of ingrained financial fears, possibly inherited from upbringing or society’s traditional expectations. The fact that she and the snake disappeared once I cut it away reinforces the idea that financial anxiety only holds power when left unchecked—but once actively confronted, it loses its grip.
• Cutting the Snake Away: Reclaiming Financial Mindset – The act of cutting away the snake in the dream mirrored my waking-life realization: financial fear isn’t worth the energy it drains from us. I had always trusted that money would appear when needed, but recent stress had clouded that trust. Talking things through with my partner helped me reframe my perspective, reaffirming that while financial literacy is important, it should be a tool for empowerment, not a source of fear.

Financial Upbringing: The Unseen Force in Relationships

This realization led to an even bigger conversation: how much our upbringing influences our financial psychology—and how essential it is to communicate about it in a relationship.

• I grew up seeing my father quietly provide while my mother kept the home. Financial responsibility wasn’t something I saw her handle independently, so deep down, I developed a craving for relational financial support—not in a dependency sense, but in terms of encouragement, reassurance, and teamwork around money decisions. When my partner tells me, “I’m proud of how you’re saving,” it fills me with joy because that’s the kind of positive reinforcement I associate with financial well-being.
• My partner, on the other hand, grew up hearing fear-based talk around money. Phrases like “we can’t afford this” and “look at this big bill” were common, which made him sensitive to negative money talk. When I recently expressed anxiety over my spending, he became uneasy—not because he was judging me, but because the language I was using sounded too familiar and triggered old anxieties from his upbringing.

Had we not openly discussed our financial upbringings, this could have led to miscommunication or resentment. But because we took the time to share our backgrounds, we could understand each other’s emotional responses to money and adjust accordingly.

How to Strengthen Financial Wellness in a Relationship

1. Talk About Your Upbringing – Discuss how money was handled in your household growing up. What messages were repeated? Did your parents argue over finances? Were you raised with an abundance or scarcity mindset?
2. Identify Your Emotional Triggers – Notice when financial stress causes tension in your relationship. Are you overly cautious about spending? Do you feel guilt or anxiety over financial decisions? Understanding these patterns can help you reframe your financial mindset.
3. Use Money as a Tool for Joy, Not Fear – Money is meant to serve you, not the other way around. It should be used to support your goals, experiences, and well-being, not become a source of emotional suffering. If financial stress is coiling around your joy like a snake, it’s time to cut it away.
4. Build a Financial Partnership – You don’t have to approach money in isolation. Even if you and your partner maintain separate finances, you can still support each other with encouragement, guidance, and collaborative decision-making. Financial wellness isn’t just about numbers; it’s about feeling secure and empowered together.

Final Thoughts: Reclaiming Your Financial Psychology

This dream, and the real-life financial anxieties that prompted it, reinforced an important truth: our relationship with money is shaped by deeply ingrained beliefs, but we have the power to change them. I used to think money was just a resource, but I now realize it’s also a psychological construct that can either empower or restrict us, depending on how we approach it.

If you’ve ever found yourself trapped in financial fear, remember—you hold the knife. You can cut away the anxiety and reclaim a mindset of abundance, responsibility, and joy. And if you’re in a relationship, having open conversations about financial upbringing can deepen understanding, reduce conflict, and create a stronger financial foundation together.

Money will flow in and out of life, but what matters is how we choose to engage with it.